A nun at a Catholic school is asking her students what they want to be when they grow up.
Little Mary declares, “I want to be a prostitute.”
“What did you say?” asks the nun.
“I said I want to be a prostitute,” Mary repeats.
“Oh, thank heavens,” says the nun. “I thought you said a Protestant!”

Little Johnny’s mother took him to church one Sunday.

While in church Johnny said, “Mom, I have to pee.”

“Johnny”, the mother began, “It’s not appropriate to say the word ‘pee’ in church. So, from now on whenever you have to ‘pee’ just tell me that you have to ‘whisper’.”

The following Sunday, Johnny went to church with his Father and during the service said to his father, “Dad, I have to whisper.”

His father looked at him and said, “Okay, why don’t you whisper in my ear.”

A little brown paper bag wasn’t feeling very well one day, so he decided to take himself off to the doctor. “Doctor, I don’t feel so good.” Said the little bag. “Well,” said the doctor “you look okay, but lets do some blood tests and see if we can find out what’s wrong with you. Come back and see me in a week.” The little brown paper bag wasn’t feeling any better when he went back to get the results. “What’s wrong with me, doctor?” He asked. “I’m afraid you’re HIV positive.” Said the doctor. “NO!” Cried the little bag, “I can’t be! I’m only a little paper bag!” “Have you been having unprotected sex?” Asked the doctor. “No, I told you, I can’t do things like that! I’m only a little paper bag!” “Well then, are you having a homosexual relationship?” “No, I’ve already said, I can’t do things like that. I’m only a little paper bag for heavens sake!” “In that case,” said the doctor “there’s only one possible explanation…”