A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. “Jesus is gonna get you.”

The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. “Jesus is gonna get you.”

The robber started to get a little worried. “What’s your name, birdie?”

“Moses.”

“What dummy named you Moses?”

“The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus.”

There once was a toad who was a bit different than all the other toads in the neighborhood. You see, he had a yellow penis. Since he wanted to be like all the other toads, he decides to go to the local wizard. He says, ”Wizard, I wanna have a brown penis, just like all the other toads.”
”You’ll have to go to the wizard in Kansas, cuz I can’t help you,” says the wizard.
So the wizard gives him directions and the toad is on his way.

The next day, an elephant came in that had a pink penis, unlike all the other elephants, and he wanted the wizard to make it grey.
Once again, the wizard says, ”You’ll have to go to the wizard in Kansas.”
”How do I get there?”
”Oh, it’s easy, just follow the yellow-dicked toad!!”

The day has finally arrived.
Today is the day you take your son to his first football game.
Leading up to the big day you have told him about game day, the smell of the fresh cut grass, the hotdogs that taste better at the ground than anywhere else.
The roar of the crowd when the home team scores.
You tell him all about the wonderful sites & sounds he’ll see on that wonderful day.
But the only thing he’ll remember about the big day …….

Click here to see what he remembers (CAUTION VIEWING)

A truck driver was driving down the highway when he sees a priest hitchhiking on the road. He stops to pick up the priest, but he has a few misgivings about giving him a ride; usually when the driver sees a redneck on the road, he hits them — with a priest in the truck, he’d have to swerve. But the driver decides to pick up the priest.

A little while later, he comes across a redneck hitchhiking. He decides to just swerve and let this one live when, all of a sudden he hears a “BOOM!” The driver looks over at the priest, who says, “Don’t worry — I got him with the door.”