Valentines Day is here again, and with it the perfect opportunity for marketing departments the world over to romance investors and donors with Valentine-themed promotions! Here are some that didn’t quite make it off the drawing board:
Nevada State Tourism Board
“Nothing Says I LOVE YOU Like Legalized Prostitution and Gambling” T-shirts, baseball caps, and coffee mugs.

Vatican Public Relations Office
* “Naughty Altar Boy” limited edition ceramic figurine

American Heart Association
* Chocolate heart with marshallow-filled arteries. Simultaneously a touching token of love and a serious warning to an overweight sweetheart.

Daughters of the American Revolution
* Illustrated Kama Sutra featuring George and Martha Washington. Comes with authentic period wooden dental dam.

PETA
* Spray Paint a Red Heart on Joan Rivers’ Coat Competition

National Society of Organ Donors
* “My Heart Belongs to You (As Soon As I’m Brain Dead)” cards.

Department of Homeland Security
* Moving the Valentine’s Day National Warning System Code Red for a “High
Risk of Lovin’”

Yo mama’s hair so short she rolls it with rice.

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at a university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Half an hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. “You’re not going to have time to finish this,” the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

“Yes I will,” replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams and the students filed up and handed them in–all except the late student, who continued writing.

Half an hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

“No you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late.”

The student looked incredulous and angry, “Do you know who I am?”

“No as a matter of fact I don’t,” replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!” the student asked again.

“No and I don’t care,” replied the professor with an air of superiority.

“Good,” replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”

The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately.”