Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender says “Olive or Twist?”

Quickies | Email to a friend | 410 views

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”

The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

You’re finished already? he asked.

Yes, the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.” Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

And by the way, the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Blondes | Email to a friend | 293 views

Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

Quickies | Email to a friend | 473 views

Twenty-eight years ago, Herman James, a West Virginian mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon, an Army barber sheared his head. On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush. That afternoon, an Army dentist yanked several of his teeth. On his third day, he was issued a jock strap. . . the Army is still looking for him.

Misc | Email to a friend | 452 views

Sometimes advertising campaigns backfire. Here are a few true examples.

1. Coors translated it’s slogan “Turn it loose” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer from diarrhea.”

2. Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick” curling iron into Germany, where they later found out that ‘mist’ is the German equivalent of s**t.

3. An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market to coincide with the Pope’s visit. But instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read (la Papa) “I saw the potato”.

4. Pepsi’s slogan “Come alive with the Pepsi Generation” translated into Chinese as “Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the dead”.

5. When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same
packaging as in the USA, with the adorable Caucasian baby on the label. They later learned that in Africa, companies usually put pictures
of the contents on the label, as most people can’t read.

6. Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan “It takes a strong man to make a tender
chicken” was translated into Spanish as “It takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”

7. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Ke-kou-ke-la”, meaning “Bite the wax tadpole” or, depending on the dialect, “Female horse stuffed with wax.” Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “ko-kou-ko-le” which translates nicely into “Happiness in the mouth”.

8. When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you”. Instead, the translator thought that the word ‘embarrass’ was meant as ‘embarazar’ (to impregnate), so the ad read “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant”.

Business | Email to a friend | 514 views