A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, “I’ve lost my dad!” The cop asked, “What’s he like?” The little boy replied, “Beer and women with big tits.”

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday.During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.The wife said, “We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.” The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, “Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.”The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.