Little Johnny asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell “tequila.”

“T-e-q-u-i-l-a,” spelled the librarian, and Little Johnny thanked her and went back to his search.

A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite distraught. “I just can’t find it.” he said.

“What book are you looking for?” the librarian asked.

Replied Little Johnny, “Tequila Mockingbird.”

APL is a write-only language.
* * *
In C we had to code our own bugs. In C++ we can inherit them.
* * *
C gives you enough rope to hang yourself. C++ also gives you the tree object to tie it to.
* * *
A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake without ketchup and mustard.
* * *
PL/I is for programmers who can’t decide whether to write in COBOL or Fortran.
* * *
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, benchmarks.
* * *
Unix is user friendly. It’s just very particular about who it’s friends are.

A fire chief died and went to heaven. When he got there he saw a long line waiting to get in to the pearly gates. He told himself “I’m a fire chief, I’m not going to wait in line.” He went to the angels guarding the gates and said “Let me in. I’m a fire chief.” The angels replied “You’ll have to wait in line like everyone else, sir.” While waiting at the back of the line he saw a sedan pull up with red lights and a man got out wearing a white helmet that said “CHIEF”. The angels popped to attention and let the chief enter heaven. The waiting fire chief was pissed and went to talk to the angels. He asked “Why did you let that fire chief go through and not me?” To which the angels replied “You have it all wrong, sir. That’s God, he just thinks he’s a Fire Chief.”

“The last time the French asked for ‘more proof’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.”