A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!

“You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!

“WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK!

“Careful … CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

“Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What’s wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

Men & Women | Email to a friend | 163 views

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.

Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said “I’m a doctor, I save lives, so I must live,” and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, “I’m a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.” He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace.”

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, “Not to worry, Father. The ’smartest man in the world’ just took off with my backpack.”

Lawyer | Email to a friend | 358 views

The District Attorney requested all the robbery victims to come to the police station to study a lineup of five people. He placed his suspect at the end of the line. Then he asked each to step forward and say, “Give me all your money…and I need some change in quarters, nickels and dimes.” The first four did it right. However, when it was the last man’s turn to recite, he broke the case by blurting out, “That isn’t what I said.”

Misc | Email to a friend | 200 views

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What’s the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let’s take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let’s call me ?Tony Blair.? Your mother is the administrator of money, so we’ll call her ?Gordon Brown.? We take care of your needs, so we’ll call you ?the People.? We’ll call the maid ?the Working Class,? and your baby brother we can call ?the Future.? Do you understand, son?
Son: I’m not really sure, Dad. I’ll have to think about it.

That night, awakened by his baby brother’s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents’ room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid’s room where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy’s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep. The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: Dad, now I think I understand what politics is.
Father: Good, son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?
Son: Well, dad, while Tony Blair is screwing the Working Class, Gordon Brown is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of s**t.

News & Politics | Email to a friend | 466 views

It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist’s daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.

The teacher said, I’ll bet these are flowers!” The girl replied, “How did you know?”

“Just a lucky guess,” she said.

Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, “Just a lucky guess.’”

Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box’s corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, “No.” She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne. The boy again said no.

Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.

He said happily, “A puppy!”

Misc | Email to a friend | 230 views