Business, Picture Humour | Email to a friend | 662 views

One day in the jungle a chimpanzee invented some tools to eat his dinner. One tool was a flat stick sharpened along one edge, this he used to cut his food.

The other was a stick with four smaller sticks attached to the end each sharpened to a point. He used to spear his food and place it in his mouth.

The chimp was very proud of his inventions which he called his one point tool and his four point tool. One day he awoke to find that the four point tool was missing. The chimp was distraught. He ran around the jungle trying to find his precious tool.

First he came upon the lion. “Lion, Lion!” he cried, “Have you seen my four point tool?”

“No.” Replied the lion, “I have not seen your four point tool.”

Then the chimp came upon the gorilla. “Gorilla, Gorilla!” he cried, “Have you seen my four point tool?”

“No.” Replied the gorilla, “I have not seen your four point tool.”

Then the chimp came upon the jaguar. “Jaguar, Jaguar!” he cried, “Have you seen my four point tool?”

“Yup!” replied the jaguar, “I’ve seen your four point tool.”

“Well where is it?” inquired the chimp.

“I ate it.” Said the jaguar, smugly.

“Why would you do that?” Cried the chimp.

“Because,” replied the big cat, “I’m a four point tool eater jaguar!”

(Truly terrible… )

Animals | Email to a friend | 367 views

How does a blonde kill a bird?

She throws it off a cliff.

Blondes | Email to a friend | 335 views

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist,,,,,, and the fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat, T-square, do your stuff.”

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart. But the Accountant said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies………….

Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better.

He called his cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,” Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
“CoffeeBreak,,,, do your stuff.” CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,, ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, drank the milk,,,,,,,,, s*** on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, screwed the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,, put in for Workers Compensation……………and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave………….

Thats Life | Email to a friend | 323 views